well mostly that it's so disgustingly humid out that you can't even go outside without sweating your ballsack off. or how about the fact that i'm off of work already and haven't even had me my first happy drink of the cocktail hour or in my case, hours.
what i should do is take a nap. but instead i have to shit, shower and shave in an attempt to look cute (lawd knows in this humidity, the second that i walk outside my hair will fall flat, my makeup will begin to slowly melt off my face, and i'll be sweating profusely. now THAT'S attractive), all of this unnecessary primping just to go have a "talk" with someone that i don't know if i want to punch in the throat or hug assuredly. i'm guessing that after i tell him everything that i hate about him, he'll likely want to punch me in the throat because i simply can't erase the smug look off my face. oh and p.s. i'm almost positive that the "smarty-pants" look that i've come to master has not changed in the last three days. yes. i've walked around the last three days one smug, smart-ass, pissed-off human being who has yet to find her reckoning!
sometimes...i just want to scream. maybe i should take up taekwondo again so i can unleash my anger on some unexpecting twelve year old who claims they are deserving of their black belt status. because i'd really love for someone to just piss me the fuck off right now so i can liberate the fury that has been building inside of me. ohgawd...it's gonna get ugly. maybe i should refrain from drinking tonight. YEAH RIGHT.
i mean is it so wrong to punish someone for their actions? what i can't seem to decide is what bad behaviors determine what kind of consequences? i mean...it's not like i can just tell a grown ass man to bring me the belt so i can whoop him into unconsciousness. and it's not like i can tell him to sit in the corner or that he's grounded. and clearly i can't kill the self-righteous, egotistical sonuvabitch without ultimately going to prison. so herein lies my problem. what would be a deserving punishment that would appropriately fit the "crime"?
haha. i'm thinking, having to spend time with me while i'm pissed off is probably punishment enough. but NO. that does not make me feel better. the groveling does not make me feel better. the ass-kissing does not make me feel better. the flowers do not make me feel better, (i don't even like gotdamn flowers unless they're tulips so if a person should wanna piss me off they should stick to springtime to do it). however, me moping around like a wounded child pouting and mostly ignoring him while simultaneously giving him the look of death, does make me feel a little better. a new prada handbag or something pretty from tiffany will not make me feel better but i'll still accept his apology in the form of gifts. p.s. if he really wants to make it up to me...he should march himself on down to buchroeder's and buy me the judith leiber ring i've been eyeing for months now (in addition, to the hot ass guy selling it). hell. maybe he should just bring me the hot ass guy and forget the ring! and while he's at it, not to forget to let the door hit him on his ass on his way out!
my point is...all these silly antics that men have up their sleeves that have somehow worked for them in the past (likely cause they've dated idiots), will not work on me. i can't be completely certain what would make me feel better about the situation but i'm thinking vodka might be a good starting point. actually i'm thinking what would make me feel a shit-ton better is him standing there like an open target so i can give him a good and swift kick below the belt. yeah. somehow i don't think he'll be in agreement with that suggestion. damnit.
oh...i digress. time for that primping. and i do believe i heard the vodka screaming from my freezer, "drink me! drink me! drink me!"
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