"say what you want to say. say what you need to say..." ~ john mayer

i've been told i should write a blog. this is me writing a blog - mostly about nothing. well...at least nothing that's mind-blowing or life-changing. furthermore, there are no rules and no limitations to this blog. lawd only knows i've never been a rule follower! i suppose in some ways that this is my opportunity to just say what it is i want and need to say, and for those of you who know me best...i'm probably not going to apologize for it.

if you've ever just wanted to unload, vent, bitch, moan and whine about life and how much it sucks kaka, and not care to be judged while just putting your feelings out there...here's your chance. or perhaps you want to tell everyone what blows your hair back and what a great day it is to be alive...bring it on! (i haven't always been a pessimist)! wink-wink. nudge-nudge. so read on my fellow bloggers!

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27 August 2010

Strong Enough

so i have this pseudo-joke with my friends about having my own personal theme song, (and NO it's not "bitch" by meredith brooks). in fact, the song that i claim to be my personal theme song is "strong enough" by sheryl crow. i have to admit that i'm out of the denial phase and have accepted that i've only let myself down all these years by convincing myself that one day i'd find a man who was strong enough, and not just strong enough but patient enough, kind enough, smart enough, sexy enough, (ummm...just because i'm a masochist doesn't mean i can't also be completely shallow!), oh, and funny enough to be my man. let's face it...the list goes on and on and on but why should i really sit here and pretend that all those "enoughs" are EVER or WILL ever be enough? saying it out loud doesn't change that no one will ever be strong enough to be my man.

i know i probably sound somewhat either really pathetic and sad or irrefutably self-confident and enlightened. i do believe it's somewhere in the middle - intersecting at "pitiful" boulevard and "inspirited" avenue. ahh...shit. i like to think about .01% (no. that is not a typo!), of the time that i live in a fairy fucking land and believing there was a man out there who was strong enough to be my man was not some ridiculous novel idea. but that other 99.99% of the time when i can't stop hitting myself on the head with a hammer has only made me realize i've set the bar entirely way too high, and all i'm ever doing is setting up the man to fail. how atrocious and twisted is that? especially because we ALL know that men are borne with dicks so therefore, are already about two steps behind when it comes to understanding women. i guess that means we should cut the men some slack? OR...how 'bout NOT?!

oh and p.fucking-s. don't think i'm just sitting here typing this shit up because i'm a man-hater or that i'm a woman scorned. because i'm only the latter. yes. i have been scorned but what woman hasn't been? and for that matter, what man hasn't been? my point is, i'm not just here blabbing about one specific incident...i'm here to bitch about several. i'm sick and fucking tired of throwing men a bone. how 'bout throwing this bitch a bone already? i'm tired of putting up with men's juvenile bullshit...they ALL want their fucking cake and eat it too. yeah, yeah, yeah. well BITE ME! because i want my cake and eat it too, and i want friggin' cream cheese frosting AND a side of vodka. men (straight men) think that JUST because they DON'T own more shoes than women that they can't possibly be as big of a pain-in-the-ass as a woman. i'm here to tell you...you're almost ALL fucking hassles - almost all of the fucking time. so even put that in your pipe and smoke it!

and another thing...most women put up with the fact that men are total hassles (not to mention jerks), because we truly love and are in love with all of your dumb asses. well...that and a man has to be totally hot, or know how to cook, or be professionally and/or financically successful, or just really frickin' attentive. but if a man is really just ordinary or unexceptional at any of those things: hot, successful, attentive, and just an average cook? well i'm here to rain on all of you idiots' parades, because you're likely NOT to be worth all the fucking turmoil either. so don't talk to me about being a pain-in-the-ass when i'm pretty sure that i'm the hot one, (who is clearly insecure for no reason), who knows how to cook, is professionally successful, and is very attentive. don't forget that i've managed to accomplish all of this while doing laundry, cleaning house, and keeping the 'fridge stocked for your deceitful and ungrateful ass.

so this is what i have to say about them apples. you just fucked yourself. because i'll go be a hot, successful and attentive woman to someone else while making them dinner, doing their laundry, cleaning their house, and keeping their 'fridge stocked with beer and their freezer stocked with vodka. and you know what? that someone else will thank me for it and not treat me like i'm an inconvenience because i'm slightly neurotic like four times a year. try dealing with a woman who REALLY pms's every fourth week and then call me crazy.

yeah. so go right on ahead and be not strong enough to be my man. i'll go on being a pain-in-the-ass for some other man who is hotter, more successful, and more attentive in every which way i (and you) can possibly think of, (without just coming out and blatantly stating the obvious underlying message here), and you can go on being a pussy for some other idiot, doormat of a woman. because the one thing i can positively state is this, i'm certain you're not strong enough to be my man but i was indeed strong enough to be yours.

yeah. think about it. who's balls are bigger now?

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