It's A Love-Hate Relationship

apparently i have a lot to bitch about today...

so i realize that this discussion has already been had since we are inundated by technology with every step we take in life, and to the extent in which i do believe it has become somewhat detrimental to mankind. not that i don't take full advantage of technology (hence, this blog), and not that i don't like it a helluva lot most of the time. however, we cannot ignore the fact that our access to the internet, including facebook and myspace, and our ability to text people at whim has resulted in people finding old loves, reconnecting with past friends, learning how to make bombs, and flirting inappropriately.

don't tell me that you haven't found yourself in one of those scenarios. and don't tell me that the creation of facebook, myspace and text messages have not resulted in affairs (on multiple occasions), ugly divorces, large attorney's fees and even bigger alimony payments. in addition to the destruction of relationships - even those of the casual kind in which you're stuck in the stage of not quite being able to determine if the person you are with is "long-term, bigger-picture" material or if you really just think he/she is hot. the only positive aspect of the latter is that technology's influence on the destruction of those casual relationships means you didn't waste too much time with the wrong person. otherwise you're pretty much screwed. or if you're the victim...then you're actually not screwed - literally, and then it really sucks to be you. thank gawd for all those "meat-market" bars that exist!

my question is...has the invention of all these technologies and the ease of ability to access technology contributed to the demise of what-would-otherwise be successful relationships or marriages? because i think it has. i know it has. i am a living and walking example of this relatively novel phenomenon. and guess what?! i was the bad guy. girl. woman. anyway. my inappropriate behaviors involving the "emailing and texting" kind of behaviors inevitably led to the destruction of a relationship with a man i thought i was actually going to marry. SICK - I KNOW! (i am literally trying not to vomit in my mouth right now). oh and p.s. just to clarify, my sudden onset of nausea is related to the marriage thing, not the bad behavior thing. not that just because it doesn't make me sick doesn't mean it wasn't and or isn't still henious. because it is.

where was i going with all of this? oh right. (you'll have to forgive me if you read my posts as i know i tend to jump all over the place but the friendship between ADD, booze and late-late night is not so friendly afterall). anyway. i honestly believe that so many successful and would-be successful relationships have failed because of technology! and this much i know is true...if it weren't for all this so-called innovative technology i would still be with my ex-boyfriend. on the other hand, without this damn technology i would have never met him in the first place or my partner in crime. and then i wouldn't be telling this story. and don't think i haven't been on the other side of the fence (and yes, it is a lot less greener), and been the "curiosity killed the cat" moronic figure because i have.

so therefore, here ends the story of how i got to be where i am now and bitching about technology and having the sudden urge to go firebomb a shit ton of cell phone towers. for as great as technology is, i fucking hate it. it's a love-hate relationship, and lately (clearly), it has been a lot more hating than loving. so much in fact, that if this computer had balls i'd kick it in the crotch. but alas, it does not and so i'll have to settle for throwing it from the window but not before i back over my cell phone accidentally ten times. i personally would like to know how many marriages have ended because of the internet? because i'm guessing it's a shit-ton (that's a real mathematical term...teehee!), and i'm also guessing that a shit-ton of other relationships of the casual kind have also ceased to exist because of this technology that i would so love to hate more than i already do.

why do people do it? does a person's curiosity about an old flame or the excitement of having some spice in your life, really lead to people engaging in actions, ranging anywhere from innocent hello's to afternoon romps in skanky motels? i mean really? REALLY. really?! apparently it does. and probably more often than anyone of us really care to dwell on for too long. what makes the whole initial engagement of the bad behavior seemingly worse, is the fact that even though we know, we KNOW that what we are doing is wrong and that we will inevitably be caught, and yet, we still consciously choose to participate anyway. are we totally sick in the head?

i am. but i'm also a self-proclaimed masochist so it's to be expected.

but fuck. don't tell me that you love me and then cross a very fine line of flirtatious behavior. because how will i ever trust you again? how will i trust that when you say you love me that you really do? how will i not be suspicious? how? how? how? because i know myself and i scare myself and i also know that i was given a second chance when i should not have been, and therefore, what i know about myself is what i know about you. that's the only problem with being with someone who has the exact same personality as you do.

shit. shitshit. shitdoubleshitshitfuck. ahhh...life. shit.