you know you're pathetic when the only time you manage or care to put a shirt on is to go outside, and then you whip that shit off the second you re-enter your domain. this has been my friday. i keep thinking i had plans, should have plans, should not have cancelled my plans but mostly i wanted to sit around on my ass all day...surf the web for shit i cannot afford and play poker. good thing i'm not a loser!
and the only reason i put on a shirt when i walked outside was because my half size "a" cup boobies just aren't pretty. not that i'd want anyone to see my boobs even if i had the most perfect breastesses in the world. but alas, i do not live in a nudist colony. besides it's not like it was 90 degrees outside either. and i don't wear a bra when it's not necessary. (and most days i've decided that it's not required). oh and for all of you who are wondering about the half size cup thing...well...once upon a time i experimented and bought one of those hanes bras at target...not quite an "a" but almost. a half size or so they like to call it. i'm pretty sure that's just the nice way of saying that you should wear a training bra for the rest of your life. it's no wonder i look forward to winter and sweatshirts and sweaters and tops that don't actually require me wearing contraptions that lift my pseudo boobies. it's all in the padding baby!
but i digress. my point is that it's friday...i use to revel in the fact that it was friday. now i don't give a fuck. i'm perfectly contented laying around like a slob - like a man - because i'm wearing shorts and nothing else. attractive! I KNOW. but who cares. i mean really. i live by myself...if i want to run around in my undies or NOTHING than i will because i can and i probably don't give a fuck. but it is still friday and i am still pathetic or OLD because i don't care about going out or meeting hot boys who will buy me cheap beer...i care about being internet deprived and doing some catch-up on insanely stupid hollywood news and winning fake money at poker.
it's eight-friggin-thirty and i'm tired. maybe it's lethargy. maybe it's because my life has become so disinteresting that i wasn't able to get my afternoon nap in. and when i say nap, i mean like two hours of sleep (i don't do fifteen or twenty minute naps). to make matters worse, i'll be dragging ass until i decide it's way past my bedtime and then i'll lay there with all these incessant thoughts about life and what i need to do tomorrow and this and that and who-really-fucking-cares, except that i do care because i have found myself in this exhausted state and not being able to sleep. insomnia is a real fucking bitch sometimes. so i'll read some self-help book about gawd only knows what until my eyelids are drooping.
and the mad cycle just keeps on repeating itself.
have i turned on my television today? that's how miserable my life has become. i mean for fuck sake...i can't even remember if i watched television today?! maybe that's just the a.d.d. however, i did watch hulu but again...that's because i no longer have dvr and i was internet starved. plus i'm a total "top chef" whore and i needed to be positive that they didn't tell the dreamy angelo with his sexy and sometimes incomprehensible accent "to please pack your knives and go." gawd love them foreign men and their accents! and they know how to cook?! HEAVEN! almost heaven! this is me singing...and in heaven.
it might also possibly be me needing to get a life. oh well fuck. that's what tomorrow is for.
it also just occurred to me that maybe a nice hot shower would wake me up. that's right folks! i have not showered yet today! do you honestly think i care? that's right. this is me not caring. if i smelled so wretched i would bathe but i don't. plus the weather has been perfectly fabulous and not humid or hot. and anyway. it's not like i have anyone to impress. well...except maybe myself and i already scared the shit outta myself when i looked in the mirror five hours ago. hence me avoiding mirrors. fuck. i'm an adult. i can do what i want or in this case NOT do what i don't want. don't worry. i promise to bathe before i go to bed. i'm not that pathetic. i mean i'm pretty fucking pathetic but i haven't forgotten about hygiene.
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