Closure

ummm...so yeah. that is the question. why does anyone pretend that they need "closure" when what they really need or want is attention? or someone to make them feel justified in their life-changing decisions? or let's just lay the truth out there...to get in your pants one more time? if what anyone really needs or wants is "closure" why don't they just grow a pair, quit beating around the fucking bush, and make the point that they really want to make.

closure? my ass. i'll give you closure. does telling you to fuck off give you enough closure?

okay. so as not to confuse the rest of the world population or the two other people that read my blog, i should premise all of this by saying that i had what i like to call an "emotional" affair with a man - not just once but twice. with the same man. he had a girlfriend. i had a boyfriend. and we carried on inappropriate communications with each other. (hence my love-hate feelings for technology). my point is...i finally cut the whole thing off after my boyfriend discovered our "affair" AND he kicked me out. oh! and this other guy? he still has a girlfriend - the same girlfriend. i'm still single.

his girlfriend (now fiancee) never found out. i guess he was and is much more stealth than i'll ever hope to be. i'm also guessing he's still a dipshit. my point is, is that i cut off ties with this man after my life exploded in my face. i figured enough people had been injured by my transgressions and there was no reason for anyone else to have to also suffer. so i did what was right (for the first time in my life), and called his girlfriend and told her everything. JUST KIDDING! seriously. i'm kidding. not my place. not my business. not my guilt.

anyway. so after choosing to walk away from the whole destructive situation (in an attempt to quit being an asshole like the majority of the world's population), i decided that i can only learn from my past and look forward, which includes shutting that particular door of really bad decisions FOREVER. well several months have now passed since i was told to get the fuck out of my ex's house, (hey. i can't fault a guy for saying the exact same thing i would have...i'm a realist), and when i say several months i mean almost a year.

wouldn't you know that some people's bad habits will always find a way to fruition if given the right amount of attention? yup. now the dumb chap (as in the guy i was having an emotional affair with), wants closure. and my question is, what-ever-the-fuck-for? (i could call the dumb chap an endless abundance of bad words but clearly i didn't think he was that horrible when i was "cheating" on my boyfriend with him so it wouldn't be fair of me to attack him now). but i just want to say, DUDE! haven't you learned your lesson? (clearly NOT because his sins have never been discovered by his significant other). he doesn't want closure. the idiot. he wants to know he isn't settling. well. that's not on me. i can't give him the words of reassurance he's looking for. i can't look back and feel good about what transpired because it inevitably led to me hurting a person that i loved very deeply. i can't change what has happened. and i certainly can't give the jackass the closure he has convinced himself he needs.

by the way, what closure? we were NEVER IN A RELATIONSHIP! get on with your life. i've had to move on with my own life and while it has been a very tough pill to swallow at times...that's just all there is to it.

hindsight IS always 20/20 but there's no reason to look back when there is SO much more to look forward to. i believe if an individual has lived their life in such a manner, then there is no reason to live your life in the "what if's" and "only if's" because every day is a new day to say, this is the first day of the rest of my life.

so i say, what the fuck are you going to do about it?