i wake up almost every day of my life and want to scream! there is no satisfaction in screaming to my empty apartment. i'd much rather take a walk around the block and punch someone in the face. life is just seriously pissing me off to no end as of late, and between wanting to scream, kick the living shit out of a human being, and pulling out my hair, my future life in jail or as a bald woman is more promising than i'd like to admit. hence, the drinking, and the only person i'm hurting is myself so don't admonish me for being a drunk - applaud me because you're not being slammed face down into the concrete, or being blinded by some atrocious orange get-up. more importantly, drinking has allowed me to still have enough hair to donate to "locks of love".
am i the only one that believes it is simply too ironic that life has a way of shoving you down, punching you in the stomach, kicking you in the face and shitting on your head just when you begin to peel yourself off the pavement? i mean...it's not only ironic. it's total fucking bullshit. i'm just trying to weave my way through life without any hooray's while at the same time trying to avoid any unnecessary obstacles and just when i think i'm in the free and clear, i turn the corner and step in a pile of massive dog shit. fuck. does life always have to blindside me to the extent in which i feel as if i've just been hit by a car going thirty mph while crossing the street on foot? being braindead sometimes doesn't seem all that bad. at least my head would stop throbbing. damn vodka.
we've all been the ex that didn't want to be the ex in an ex-relationship. and it fucking sucks. there is nothing quite like the feeling of a ton of bricks being dropped on your chest, and your heart feeling it weighs the same, and the burden of weight makes it feel like it's going to drop into your stomach. it just hurts. there is no way around it so you have to fight through it. (p.s. this isn't me ranting about being the boo-hooing, pitiful ex).
my point is, is when one finds themself being the undesirable ex, it is too easy to make some REALLY bad decisions. and i'm talking about the crying and drunk dialing and texting. DON'T FUCKING DO IT. aside from all of that, i understand that it takes time to heal and recover...for almost everyone there is that one relationship, that one love that changed you forever. not that'd you take the fucker back or do it all over again but it's more a matter of having lived life - heartache and all. we all have different coping mechanisms that allow us to heal at different paces and in different ways. needless to say, i'm a HUGE fan of the bottle. what i'm trying to say, is that there comes a certain point in time in which you're at peace with the situation, you've accepted what is, and you've moved on.
so why, without fail does the dumper eventually come to that crossroad in life and fucking call again? WHY. fuck off. i'm not saying that bad break-ups can't lead to people being friends. what i'm saying is, FUCK OFF. there's a certain amount of time that goes by...months, years, whatever, in which the "undesirable" partner has made no point to contact the dumper, and for very good reason! because the dumper broke the dumpee's fucking heart and stomped on it repeatedly, and it took the dumpee strength and courage to resign themselves to saying, this is for the best and i've moved on. that and the dumper is a total fucker. DUH. so the dumper shouldn't treat the dumpee like they are a swinging fucking door in which the dumper has the ability to just come waltzing back in to the dumpee's life when it's convenient for the dumbfucker. i mean dumper. that's just fucking rude and inconsiderate to the dumpee and their feelings. go fuck yourself dumpers! because it's TOO FUCKING LATE.
some people have a lot of gotdamn fucking nerve. don't fucking call the person who's heart was broken after they have finally come to their senses and moved on. don't just spontaneously impede on a person's life and their happiness by bringing up the past. that's a fucking horrible thing to do to a person. and guess what you egotistical heartbreaker? you're not that fucking special or amazing so you should probably just go fuck yourself. gawd. i really fucking hate people.
"say what you want to say. say what you need to say..." ~ john mayer
i've been told i should write a blog. this is me writing a blog - mostly about nothing. well...at least nothing that's mind-blowing or life-changing. furthermore, there are no rules and no limitations to this blog. lawd only knows i've never been a rule follower! i suppose in some ways that this is my opportunity to just say what it is i want and need to say, and for those of you who know me best...i'm probably not going to apologize for it.
if you've ever just wanted to unload, vent, bitch, moan and whine about life and how much it sucks kaka, and not care to be judged while just putting your feelings out there...here's your chance. or perhaps you want to tell everyone what blows your hair back and what a great day it is to be alive...bring it on! (i haven't always been a pessimist)! wink-wink. nudge-nudge. so read on my fellow bloggers!
if you've ever just wanted to unload, vent, bitch, moan and whine about life and how much it sucks kaka, and not care to be judged while just putting your feelings out there...here's your chance. or perhaps you want to tell everyone what blows your hair back and what a great day it is to be alive...bring it on! (i haven't always been a pessimist)! wink-wink. nudge-nudge. so read on my fellow bloggers!
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*Many of my blogs may be controversial and it should be noted that the information and opinions I post may sometimes express highly personal and idiosyncratic points of view. Moreover, my posts may contain content only suitable for adults.
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