"say what you want to say. say what you need to say..." ~ john mayer

i've been told i should write a blog. this is me writing a blog - mostly about nothing. well...at least nothing that's mind-blowing or life-changing. furthermore, there are no rules and no limitations to this blog. lawd only knows i've never been a rule follower! i suppose in some ways that this is my opportunity to just say what it is i want and need to say, and for those of you who know me best...i'm probably not going to apologize for it.

if you've ever just wanted to unload, vent, bitch, moan and whine about life and how much it sucks kaka, and not care to be judged while just putting your feelings out there...here's your chance. or perhaps you want to tell everyone what blows your hair back and what a great day it is to be alive...bring it on! (i haven't always been a pessimist)! wink-wink. nudge-nudge. so read on my fellow bloggers!

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29 September 2010

Perspective

for as much as i bitch about columbia, i have to say that i am fairly impressed with the amount of appreciation and regard given to the "central missouri honor flight" organization and those world war II veterans that this institution pays its highest gratitude and respect to. central missouri honor flight is a "non-profit organization created solely to honor america's veterans for all their sacrafices. the group transports [america's] heroes to washington d.c., to visit the memorials dedicated to honor their sacrafices," (central missouri honor flight). for further information regarding this organization, please visit www.centralmissourihonorflight.com.

while i feel as if i was somewhat educated about this non-profit organization, there is something to be said about seeing the operation in full force. upon every "honor flight" return from d.c., (the turn around time from departure to return is virtually twenty-four hours), a crowd gathers at the courtyard marriott to welcome the veterans, and it is without question an extraordinary and beautiful (as well as organized), spectacle. as the buses transporting the veterans approach columbia, a group of bikers known as the "freedom riders" patiently await to pave the way back to the marriott. i had heard of the freedom riders and the crowds that congregate to pay tribute to these veterans who have been easily forgotten (as their war was long before my generation), but to stand there and witness the scene was quite unbelievable. words cannot describe the emotion and so i urge all of you who have not had the opportunity to witness this welcome home, to take one night out of your busy lives to say thank you by just showing up as these veterans return from d.c.

my primary reason for going had nothing to do with welcoming a specific veteran home but instead i was there to see a "guardian" (one of several selfless volunteers who assists in the safe transport of these veterans) return. it was late on a tuesday night and i wasn't overly eager to trudge out in the middle of the night. yeahyeahyeah. it was all of 1030. however i went and as tired as i was, i will never regret having gone. i don't want to sound overly emotional at risk of sounding like a GIRL but there were several times when i had to choke back a tear. actually that may have had something to do with drinking a bottle of wine before driving my ass down there. just kidding. about being emotional. not about drinking a bottle of wine. on that note, there are plenty of columbia police officers and state patrol also assisting in this amazing endeavor, so i'd advise not being a lush before sauntering around a bunch of men with badges and guns. (unless of course, you're an expert lush like me...my goal was to get a bit intoxicated but that didn't happen. however, a horrible headache did result. damn wine!).

but alas...the ADD is kicking in. my point is, if hundreds of bikers can bring themselves to face the chilly temperatures to pay a very well deserved homage to these veterans at some ungodly hour of the evening, and handfuls of others can show their (mostly ugly) faces to welcome home these veterans, than you can too. quite frankly, i think it should be mandatory that everyone go once. i mean for fuck sake, these men risked their lives fighting on foreign soil so that we can have the freedoms that we take for granted, i think in the very least, every single human being (cute, fugly, average, beautiful or hot), man, woman and child, can take their tooshes down to the marriott and say thank you by just being there. you won't regret that you did. i hate to think of the day that everyone who should go, says "next time" and the welcome home crowd is all but none. these veterans aren't afforded the luxury of saying "next time" so don't think about it and just do it. we all need perspective in our lives at times...this is a perfect opportunity to gain that perspective that often goes remiss.

25 September 2010

Is It Just Me...?

since i've recently become a blog whore, i've been reading other mid-missouri blogs, mostly those that pertain to columbia and well...food (since i'm also a self-proclaimed food whore).

here's what i am having difficulty understanding in most of the blogs i have read that aim to review and criticize local restaurants, and that is, what qualifies as good asian food. and since i've just very recently bitched about this, i will try not to go overboard with my rant (especially because my blog isn't targeted at reviewing restaurants). also, i was suppose to work and was then told i was not needed this evening so i have a lot of unexpected time on my hands, (and i've done all the internet "window" shopping i've cared to torture myself with today). so i'm just going to premise this post by saying that my intention is not to offend anyone but i'm also NOT going to apologize to anyone if i do.

i was recently reading a food blog and i have to admit that i agreed with a lot of the restaurant reviews that the author had to offer. but what i cannot just wrap my brain around is the perpetual ravings i've heard about "osaka" since i moved to columbia. okay. admittedly, in my very humble opinion, osaka does not suck - it is not bad. in fact, i would say that it's decent, above average, if you will. however, it's not that fucking great. i'm sorry columbians. that is just my opinion. again, i will say that i'm rather spoiled having lived in denver for almost ten years and also for having had the opportunity to try sushi all over the country. perhaps my sushi eating experiences have made me into the sushi snob that i am. but i've tried a lot of fucking gotdamn sushi in my lifetime. in fact, an ex-boyfriend and i use to make a point to try a different sushi restaurant almost every instance in which we were craving rolls and sashimi. so i think i can honestly say that my scale level in which i rate sushi is pretty gotdamn fair.

maybe what i'm not understanding is what people are actually trying to say, and that is, if you want good sushi and/or japanese food in columbia, you should go to osaka but the bigger picture is, is that it will never compare to the best sushi you've had somewhere else in the country. maybe that's the point that is trying to be conveyed? i don't know. then again, i hear people also rave about how great "sake" is and while i would admit that it is also pretty average, it's also not that fucking great, and if i'm paying that much for sushi it better be gotdamn fucking good. because i can find a whole helluva lot better and cheaper sushi in chicago.

i have yet to try "kampai" but have heard very good things about it, and therefore, being the pessimist i am, have my doubts. i have been to "geisha" and was very pleased and would say that it rates well above osaka and sake especially where taste and value is concerned. is it the best i've ever had? fuck no. but i'd definitely eat there again before anywhere else. "kobe" is a chain and so in my opinion, it's useless to factor them into the picture but honestly they suck (or at least the one and last time i was there it was totally shitty). i know very little about "kabuki" (my gut instinct and also something i recall reading somewhere leads me to believe they are a chain), what i do know is the sushi is average. i would also like to give notice to "jina yoo's" but i'm going to refrain from doing so for personal reasons. and before "bamboo" changed they were also on the list of average. lastly, "kojaba" a blend of korean and japanese cuisine is not worth the drive to i-70 business loop and it's definitely not worth your time or money.

so there my fellow readers, foodies and bloggers...that's my take on sushi in columbia.

p.s. whenever i go to chicago i always make a point to go to one particular sushi restaurant and that is "bob san" in the infamous wicker park area. go if you're ever in the area. you will not be disappointed. again, maybe you will go and you won't be that ecstatic or impressed. perhaps (like i often do), i've just come to associate bob san with certain experiences and/or memories and that's why i'm convinced it's so great. you be the judge.

23 September 2010

Where Have All the Chain Restaurants Gone?

i'm not going to lie. i will bitch about living in columbia as long as i live here. however, i do want to say that it isn't just columbia but it's missouri in general that i have issues with. i lived in denver for almost ten years and it would be easy to say that i was rather spoiled when it came to the ease of accessibility of food or booze, and for the most part when i wanted it. hell. it's no new york city but there were options! good options. and a shit ton of them.

those who know me best know i'm a total foodie, food snob, food whore, whatever, and i generally tend to stray from chain restaurants but sometimes all a person wants and/or needs is some good grub from a chain. and no. i'm talking about your applebee's, red lobster's, or olive garden types. i'm talking about your old chicago's (gawd i miss late night pizza and beer with the girls), red robin's, boston's, anthony's, and drive-thru liquor stores. moreover, what about late night fastfood? i don't know if i should admit this out loud but i miss the bacon double del cheeseburger from del taco. fastfood is ALL the same here and i'm over it!

don't even get me started on independent restaurants and the lack of selection in columbia. it's completely atrocious and very sad. yes. there are a handful of quality mom and pop restaurants that are excellent but they are very far and few between, and i want options! OPTIONS! i'm an options girl!

columbia has a large asian population and for a city its size, it does in fact have numerous chinese, sushi and asian restaurants. but i haven't had good pho (traditional vietnamese soup), since i left denver. in fact, i haven't had good chinese since i left denver. yes. there are some pretty decent chinese restaurants but nothing that blows my hair back. and there is only one restaurant that serves pho and it's definitely nothing to write home about. i'm talking about your big ass bowl of pho with an abundance of rice noodles and beef, and endless amounts of jalapeno, cilantro and limes to garnish your soup with. (sorry "chinese wok express" but your pho is just not cutting it). it's no wonder that whenever i plan a visit to denver it always includes me gorging myself with pho. it also involves all my other plans around food and the restaurants i miss.

my mouth is watering at the thought of "la cocina" and the delicious pork carnitas that practically make you want to jizz in your pants at first bite. mexican food in columbia is fair but i don't know how many times i've woke up on a saturday and craved a big ass breakfast burrito and then realized that i'm fucked. believe me when i say that "la cocina" is always on the list of places to eat when i return to denver, and it's for the breakfast burritos as big as your head and the pork carnitas!

yes. i realize i'm not in denver anymore but that's not the fucking point. i mean hell! columbia doesn't even have ONE good italian restaurant. sure there are some average italian restaurants but i haven't returned to even one of those establishments a second time, and clearly that's because they're not that fucking special. i can make better italian food at home and i'm KOREAN. (okay. some might argue that fact since i'm adopted and was raised a honky but i look korean so if it suits my argument i'll use the korean card if i want)! but i have an affinity for italian food. and men. and designers. (gotdamn them italian designers and their beautiful clothes and handbags)! my point is, i know the difference between average, good and excellent italian food when i'm shoving it in my face, and the only italian i've found in columbia that i care to shove in my face is that hot ass guy that works downtown. i think he's italian. just fucking kidding. i mean he is hot and he does look italian. but seriously. it's gelato (which by the way is not made fresh at some cutsey little place but found in the frozen novelty section in the supermarket - SAD).

maybe what i miss is the sentimental value i've attached to these different restaurants. maybe the food isn't as good as i remember. maybe i just have all these wonderful memories with friends that have been made at restaurants - chain or not. irregardless, columbia's restaurant scene is average and as far as i'm concerned (being the spoiled brat that i am), could use a lot of vast improvements!

22 September 2010

Some Kids' Parents These Days

i think kids are assholes, well most of them anyway. i use to think, gawd! some peoples' kids! ANNOYING! but what i understand now is that children are only products of their parents. so if your kid is an asshole...it's your fucking fault.

i don't have children. i like vodka. so i'm not going to sit here and tell anyone how to raise their children or what is right or wrong. what i am going to bitch about is how kids are not only just assholes these days but how they're a bunch of fucking pussies. yes. pussies. and it seriously annoys the fuck out of me.

let's just say i work in an industry that involves children. and i've never seen a generation of bigger ass pussies in my life. since when do children dictate to their parents what they will and won't do? and since when did that become not only acceptable but the norm?

if i was defiant (and i was), my mother sent me outside to sit in the car and she didn't give a shit if it was one hundred degrees outside. punishment is a real bitch. at least i probably stopped acting like an asshole. most of the time anyway. okay. i lie. some of the time. admittedly, i lived in a small town where fear of kidnapping was slim-to-none. moreover, i'm sure my mother thought that if anyone were to actually kidnap me, they'd get half a block before slamming on their brakes while saying nevermind and then proceed to kick me out of their molester van. and don't even get me started on misbehaving in church because her claws in my side were fierce!

my point is, is that i see children all day long basically mandating to their parents what they will and won't do. why do parents coddle their children? or negotiate with them? if my mother or father told me that we were going somewhere and we were going to do this or that or whatever, there were no questions asked. there was no deliberation. we (as in my siblings and i), just did what we were told and there was no bribery involved either. if any of us attempted to put up a fight it would have easily been resolved with a spanking. i applaud my parents. and no. i do not feel as if i was abused.

perhaps if i were actually a parent i would perceive the situation differently. but i'm pretty sure if i had a kid that decided they wanted to argue with me about what they were or were not going to do, i'd take the asshole outside and say, it's going to go like this...you're going to do what i say or i'm going to beat you into oblivion. done. end of argument. no beatings necessary. i don't advocate child abuse but sometimes all a bratty child needs is a good spanking. and don't think i wouldn't even threaten to abandon my child at a local wal-mart just to scare the fear of God into them because we've all seen the scary motherfuckers who shop at wal-mart. lawd only knows that's the last place i'd want to be left if i were five.

oh and since when did it become okay to let your child scream their head off in public? little fuckers. i swear! don't ruin my shopping experience! and don't ruin my dining out experience! your kid screaming in the booth next to me or running around in a restaurant (TOTALLY inappropriate by the way), is killing my fucking buzz. and i'm not even talking about sitting outside somewhere (or inside for that matter) that is family friendly...i'm talking about restaurants in which you really shouldn't be bringing your child in the first place. again. i'm not a parent. i'm not saying you should leave your five year-old at home...what i'm saying is, if they cannot behave in public and sit politely than you need to remove them from my sight or hire a babysitter.

and p.s. when i go to restaurants, i always ask the host(ess) to sit me somewhere AWAY from people with kids.

in addition to kids being little shits what i don't understand is this whole coddling business. are we intentionally trying to make kids big ass wimps? i was in the supermarket today when quite unexpectedly i hear this awful screaming coming from the restroom. i'm like, wtf. it sounds like a pig being slaughtered in there! out comes this kid with his father and apparently the kid is screaming his head off because the hand-dryer came on without his direction and it caught him off guard. okay. hand dryers can be a little scary. NOT FUCKING REALLY. maybe the sound or the surprise of it shook him up but does that really require the pussy to start screaming like a friggin' banshee? good gawd. i thought my eardrums were going to burst. okay. that's a slight exaggeration but it was completely fucking annoying. then i saw the little asshole and realized he was probably five and i thought (out loud), what a fucking pussy and a shithead.

again. i'm not a parent. i've never expressed the desire to be one. maybe my view and opinion would change if i were a parent. i don't know.

yes. i do realize that sometimes i'm the grown-ass adult acting like the shithead at the supermarket or in public. but i'd rather be an asshole than a pussy. who the fuck is scared of a hand-dryer anyway? do you think the kid screams his head off when the television comes blaring on to the sound of barney? probably not. although, i would.

21 September 2010

It's NOT All in the Packaging

don't think i don't understand or realize how trivial it is to bitch about commercials but anyone who knows my television viewing habits knows how much i absolutely friggin' HATE them! and yes, i do realize i'm a victim of such wretched commercials only by my own choosing but i shit you not, when it's commercial time i flip the channel, mute the television or take the opportunity to run to the bathroom, grab another beer, whatever. in fact, my ex informed me that i was the only person he knew that watched two or three television shows simultaneously. (and i'm not talking about picture in picture). but i so loathe commercials that this is why i developed the habit of watching multiple television shows concurrently. also, another reason why i idolize the inventor of the dvr! gawd love ya'! i am completely at loss without mine. boo for me.

commercials are LAME. just in case you haven't had the pleasure of seeing kotex's latest and greatest advertisements, let me take the time to educate you. apparently, kotex is now attempting to convince the world that tampons are cute. or at least the packaging is. WTF. seriously?! go fuck yourselves, kotex. tampons are not cute and it doesn't matter what kind of package they come in...we still know that there's a fucking tampon in there and the frivolous wrapper that they come in is not deceiving anyone. not anyone over the age of four anyway. i don't really fucking care what the wrapper looks like, i see it for about two seconds before it goes straight into the garbage. so quit wasting your money on making tampon wrappers cute and advertising that they are cute because they're not.

here's an analogy if it helps. putting prada on the fugly little, hairy elf thing or whatever the hell it is from "lord of the rings" does not make it cute. clothing amy winehouse in vera wang does not make her cute. think of the ugliest person you know. put the most stinkin' adorable, red patent leather dolce & gabbana handbag over their head. we know that the person hiding in the hot ass bag is still fugly. now put a paperbag over their head. guess what?! still ugly. do these ugly people still serve some utility in life? probably. (i don't know the ugly person you're thinking of). my point is that kotex, tampax and every other delusional tampon-making company should just even stop with all the bells and whistles when it comes to the packaging. cause no one really fucking cares. making a tampon wrapper cute doesn't solve all the other issues involved when it comes to being in misery, (however often that occurs for every individual woman). so unless the tampons come with free alcohol don't even try to market to me anything other than the fact that they're just tampons.

again. i hate commercials. and stupid asinine kotex tampon commercials that tout how cute tampons are, only furthers my point about how fucking ridiculous and idiotic commercials are. again. i miss my dvr. gawd! break-ups suck. (he got to keep his dvr and i got stuck with basic cable). guess i should put down the vodka and invest in the dvr package with the shitty cable company.

17 September 2010

Roll With the Punches

i'm getting fucking old and i'm not even happy about it.

apparently i have slept wrong on my arm/shoulder/back (somewhere in that general anatomy of my body). that was three or four days ago. in fact, i'm getting old to the point in which i don't even remember what morning i woke up and wanted to swallow a bottle of vicodin. that's sad. maybe it's the a.d.d. nonetheless, my dismay resides in the fact that five years ago...well hell...two years ago i could have awoke with this muscle pain, swallowed a couple of advil and a half a bottle of vodka, passed out and got up the next morning and not even remembered having any pain at all. now i just want to swallow a bottle of vicodin with a bottle of vodka and i'm convinced that still wouldn't cure me.

this means i'm getting old and i just have to throw out a big ole' WTF for that. and i'd like to believe that i'm in decent shape (besides all the toxins i put in my body on a regular basis). okay. admittedly, the most fit i've ever been was just about 9 months ago. do the math. yeah. getting old also entails not bouncing back into shape as quickly. i think i've always attempted to maintain a decent figure but i can't say that even in my 20s was i in as good of shape as i was nine fucking months ago. another WTF.

my point is, since i like to live in my diluted world and have convinced myself that i'm in good shape, it completely dumbfounds me that i still have yet to recover from this muscle ache that is more annoying than it is anything else. one of my running partners was all fiesty last night and in good nature gave me a little shove to my "bad" shoulder and i was like, gotdamnsonuvabitchwhore! everyone who knows me, knows that i'm not a fucking pussy...i think i have a very high pain tolerance level...especially when it comes to putting up with men. (haha. yes. i just HAD to throw that in there...hey when opportunity knocks). anyway. it's not as if i felt like i was just whacked over the head with a baseball bat but i was somewhat astounded that it hurt at all.

p.s. would i sound like a hypochondriac if i said that i think i have a pinched nerve?

honestly i just thought by this morning i'd wake up and be roaring to kick ass (i wasn't even concerned that i didn't go to bed until 4:30). oh and by this morning i mean noon. but gotdamn. my shoulder hurts more than it did yesterday! what-the-fuck!

normally i'd deal with the pain like a grown-ass man and just roll with the punches but today i'm feeling like a giant pussy and i'm tired. i'm also looking at the clock and thinking that running does not sound so good since i have to be at work in two and a half hours. and believe me there will be plenty of "rolling with the punches" there and running around like a crackwhore on drugs.

oh and p.s. i really just want to tell everyone to fuck off and lay in bed like the pathetic piece of shit i was last friday. i'm so sick of people! WITH the exception of a few and when i say few i mean VERY few. those of you whom i have relationships with and who do not live in this armpit of the universe are not generally assessed in this group of "everyone i fucking hate today".

16 September 2010

Really. REALLY?!

so i've bitched and moaned about columbia on numerous occasions and while it definitely isn't the cosmoplitan capital of the world it's not a completely unfortunate or wretched place to live. it could use vast improvements but nonetheless, i've taken up residence here so i should appreciate it for what it does have to offer, (however little that may be).

i was driving down broadway the other day (columbia's major thoroughfare that runs east and west), when i hit the freshly grated pavement. ahhh...the city has decided to re-pave the street! hee-fucking-haw!! not fucking really. they're investing all this money to resurface the street while ignoring the fact that they should be widening it?! what a bunch of bullshit.

yeahyeahyeah. you friggin' ignorant bastards with your big yards and you tree-hugging hippies who cannot fathom the thought of the necessity of these beautiful blessings being cut down. i understand the dilemma. i do. i really do. i think it's a shame that the widening of broadway would require the loss of these landmarks. but as a city who touts itself on being so forward thinking while having breached the one-hundred thousand population status, sometimes there are evils in life and in economic progress that are indeed simply necessary. i love big yards and big trees...i grew up on a farm and so i understand both the aesthetic and re-sale value that both offer. but i also drive a fucking car and don't care to sit in unnecessary traffic because of someone's gotdamn yard or trees in their yards.

for fuck sake...get over yourselves. get over the politics. get over the bullshit. and widen the gotdamn fucking street. and quit wasting my tax dollars on some unnecessary bullshit resurfacing, and think about how if the desire is to truly present to the world that columbia is so progressive and the goal is to continue to grow and move forward universally and economically than the result is simply going to have to be residents' yards diminishing and trees being cut down. NECESSARY EVIL. fucking widen the gotdamn street to four lanes already and get over yourselves you fuckers. and by the way, it really should be six lanes so four isn't fucking half bad.

and p.s.! while you're at it...fucking regulate the street lights properly so that they run effectively and create smooth flowing traffic. 100k people. two lane MAJOR thoroughfares, and traffic lights that are ass fucking backwards. gotdamn engineers. what fucking school did you all go to anyway? geezusFUCK.

i guess this is what they call "small town" politics except that it isn't fucking small anymore. (toto...we're not in kansas anymore so quit acting like it). i'd like to go around knocking on people's fucking heads' to see if they're just hollow or if what really needs to happen is that these people need to read the rest of my blogs and learn how to grow a pair. bullshit. it's total bullshit. it's bullshit with a capital FUCKING "B"!

and now that i have that rant out of my system i can drink my beer and go to bed!

p.s. it's kansas city beer where they have streets with the proper number of lanes to accomodate the population and streetlights that are coordinated properly. so why don't you just put that in your pipe and smoke it?!

WTF

without going into too much detail regarding a particular incident that i recently found myself in, i walked away from the situation thinking WHAT THE FUCK. and i'm not talking about a simple little wtf...i'm talking a big FUCKING WHAT THE FUCK.

you know...i hate liars. and i'm not talking about a little pansy ass fib or white lie that doesn't involve serious repercussions or severe damages to anyone's life or feelings if they were to discover the fib, i'm talking about a bold-faced, WTF, bullshit LIE. some people have a lot of gotdamn nerve.

let's just say that this pussy ass bitch who calls himself a man (and for all intents and purposes is because he sort of looks like one except that whole "sand in his vagina" part), made this gross accusation about me assaulting him. i was like, motherfucker. okay. so in all honesty there were no serious consequences to this lie of his but nonetheless, that shit seriously pissed me off. especially because i'd have no problem admitting to assaulting someone if it were in fact the TRUTH! (just ask that pussy dwightfuckface who's nose i broke). except that it wasn't the truth. i wanted to tell that pussy ass bitch that if i had indeed assaulted him, his tiny little penis would have remembered because he'd have been laying in a hospital bed with more than a bruised ego and a bleeding vagina. i'm like, seriously?!

oh and p.s. i actually have no real knowledge that the man has a napolean complex but one could easily deduce that he HAS to, given the fact he would lie about something that makes him look like a giant DOUCHEBAG.

MOREOVER, i wanted to tell this guy who needs to buy himself a box of tampons that i didn't feel like robbing him of any more of his manhood by kicking his ass because clearly he had already gotten beaten with the FUGLY stick when he shot out of his mom's nasty twat! that sonuvabitch. and you know, if it hadn't been for the environment in which i was in and i had just randomly seen the bitch on the street i would have without hesitation told that lying sack-of-shit dickbag what i thought.

yeahyeahyeah. i have an extremely foul mouth this evening. it's a bit excessive i know. but i am still stewing over this whole matter. in fact, you could say that i'm RAGING-MOTHERFUCKING-PISSED! it goes to another point of mine about acting like a man and having a pair OR just looking like a man and having a vagina bigger than mine. it's total bullshit. argh.

so here's my challenge to all of you men who pretend to act all manly all of the time...don't go telling people that a 120 lb., 5'3" GIRL assaulted you unless you want to look the biggest pussy on the face of the planet...especially when you're almost a foot taller than her and a good buck heavier.

p.s. okay. that was a bit of a lie in itself. (hey. i try to refrain from being a hypocrite MOST of the time). i really weigh more than that but i figured it's believable so why not tell a little fib. besides i actually have a pussy so i'm entitled to act like one if i want. and anyway. everyone lies about their weight and no one has suffered irreparable harm. bitches!

yeahyeahyeah. anger management. i'm going. NOT. and not EVER.

11 September 2010

They Wonder Why

people wonder why i don't jump on the columbia bandwagon...natives, transplants, and every other breed in between simply can't figure out why i have denounced the tigers. it's not that i really hate the tigers or columbia (well at least most of the time), it's more a matter of my dismay for the people who live in their sheltered little world of columbia, (yes. columbians. there is a whole big bad world outside of columbia and p.s. the shopping is about five-thousand times better). i mean for fuck sake...it's september 11th, and somehow mizzou football has taken priority over local businesses remembering to (in the very least), fly the gotdamn american flag at half-mast. the only thing people are concerned about is fucking college football. and it's for reasons such as these that i feel justified in saying fuck college football and fuck the tigers.

wave your fist at me. swear at me. beat the shit out of me. kill me. whatever. fine. i don't give a flying fuck...i hadn't even heard of mizzou before i moved to this gotdamn forsaken state over three years ago, and quite honestly, it was only after i started dating my ex that i became educated about columbia. so after having lived here for a little over two years and for anyone to think that i'm somehow going to be persuaded to jump on some insignificant bandwagon is completely delusional. there's a better chance of me swallowing drano ON PURPOSE before i don the black and gold.

p.s. i'd like to think i'm a moderately educated individual so i don't think it is entirely shocking that i was oblivious of columbia or mizzou's existence. in fact, i'm more apt to believe that it's completely ignorant of others to believe that everyone on the face of the planet should care or know about either. i mean for fuck sake...there are people here who have never even heard of nordstrom's. WTF.

we all live in our diluted worlds, looking through our rose-colored glasses. fine. we all have our illusions (no matter how false they may be). believe me...i'm the first to admit that i'm probably the most delusional person i know. (although my delusions may be a result of the vodka). but i'm not so naive or ignorant to have somehow forgotten that i live in columbia thirdly, missouri secondly, and the fucking united states first. have we seriously forgotten our patriotism? i mean...my intention is not to sound as if i've planted myself on a soapbox or be argumentative but everyone wanted to jump on the "i hate george w. bush" bandwagon. fine. we're all entitled to our opinions and like i said, our delulsions. what-the-fuck-ever. but as long as we're criticizing people, then i'm going to just ask, what the fuck has obama done for the united states lately? besides fill our stupid little heads with naive visions of grandeur, meanwhile having not done jack shit and making excuses for why everything has progressed so slowly.

don't get me wrong...i don't envy the man at all. in fact, if anything i feel sorry for obama because i'm sure his desire to be the commander in chief was only a result of the false misconceptions he was fed. i'm not a fucking president. (i have never been president of anything, not even some asinine kid's club). besides i don't care about having that extent of responsibility...i pay my rent late, and my electricity has been turned off more than once. in addition, i like booze too much. so i don't aspire to be president of anything EVER, therefore, i can positiviely say that i would never envy anyone in the big seat. but this is why i've said time and time again that sitting in the house or senate does not qualify ANYONE to run a fucking country. (it's also why while in high school as a particicpant of "youth in government" i chose to be a lobbyist, as sleeping on the house or senate floor gets you the stink eye. i much preferred the privacy of the galleria - no one of importance can see you sleeping). in all honesty, it is really just my stupid opinion that if anyone wants to make the attempt of running a country, that perhaps they should take one step at a time...be a fucking mayor or something. governor. whatever. i don't really care. but don't be so stupid to believe that because you particicpated in the passing of various state bills that somehow that qualifies you to run a FUCKING country. geezuseffingcrist.

i drove by the courthouse earlier where a remembrance ceremony was taking place and i shit you not, there was MAYBE twenty-five people there...twenty-five people in a town with a population of one-hundred thousand people. clearly i wasn't there...not that i was aware of it, and even if i had been, i probably still would not have bothered to walk the three blocks to pay my respects. look. i'm not trying to be a hypocrite. i'm the first one to admit i'm an asshole. but at least i remembered what today is and what the date is. and believe me, i can assure you i wasn't rushing off to faurot field or some tailgate party to drink beer at nine in the morning. i have a little bit more couth than that...i wait until at least eleven MOST days.

but what pisses me off is that this is a town that likes to toot its own horn about how progressive it is (don't even get me started about the bullshit politics and how the widening of broadway - a major thoroughfare - is just not an option), and today of all days people were more concerned about college football, bbqs, beer and doritos. yay tigers. (you should hear the lack of enthusiasm in my voice...it is totally void of any enthusiasm). and don't get me wrong! i love bbqs, beer and doritos (i prefer the cool ranch variety), but don't forget that there are thousands of men and women who are still out there giving us the ability to barf up all the hotdodgs, beer and doritos we decide to shove our faces with.

10 September 2010

You Know You're Pathetic When...

you know you're pathetic when the only time you manage or care to put a shirt on is to go outside, and then you whip that shit off the second you re-enter your domain. this has been my friday. i keep thinking i had plans, should have plans, should not have cancelled my plans but mostly i wanted to sit around on my ass all day...surf the web for shit i cannot afford and play poker. good thing i'm not a loser!

and the only reason i put on a shirt when i walked outside was because my half size "a" cup boobies just aren't pretty. not that i'd want anyone to see my boobs even if i had the most perfect breastesses in the world. but alas, i do not live in a nudist colony. besides it's not like it was 90 degrees outside either. and i don't wear a bra when it's not necessary. (and most days i've decided that it's not required). oh and for all of you who are wondering about the half size cup thing...well...once upon a time i experimented and bought one of those hanes bras at target...not quite an "a" but almost. a half size or so they like to call it. i'm pretty sure that's just the nice way of saying that you should wear a training bra for the rest of your life. it's no wonder i look forward to winter and sweatshirts and sweaters and tops that don't actually require me wearing contraptions that lift my pseudo boobies. it's all in the padding baby!

but i digress. my point is that it's friday...i use to revel in the fact that it was friday. now i don't give a fuck. i'm perfectly contented laying around like a slob - like a man - because i'm wearing shorts and nothing else. attractive! I KNOW. but who cares. i mean really. i live by myself...if i want to run around in my undies or NOTHING than i will because i can and i probably don't give a fuck. but it is still friday and i am still pathetic or OLD because i don't care about going out or meeting hot boys who will buy me cheap beer...i care about being internet deprived and doing some catch-up on insanely stupid hollywood news and winning fake money at poker.

it's eight-friggin-thirty and i'm tired. maybe it's lethargy. maybe it's because my life has become so disinteresting that i wasn't able to get my afternoon nap in. and when i say nap, i mean like two hours of sleep (i don't do fifteen or twenty minute naps). to make matters worse, i'll be dragging ass until i decide it's way past my bedtime and then i'll lay there with all these incessant thoughts about life and what i need to do tomorrow and this and that and who-really-fucking-cares, except that i do care because i have found myself in this exhausted state and not being able to sleep. insomnia is a real fucking bitch sometimes. so i'll read some self-help book about gawd only knows what until my eyelids are drooping.

and the mad cycle just keeps on repeating itself.

have i turned on my television today? that's how miserable my life has become. i mean for fuck sake...i can't even remember if i watched television today?! maybe that's just the a.d.d. however, i did watch hulu but again...that's because i no longer have dvr and i was internet starved. plus i'm a total "top chef" whore and i needed to be positive that they didn't tell the dreamy angelo with his sexy and sometimes incomprehensible accent "to please pack your knives and go." gawd love them foreign men and their accents! and they know how to cook?! HEAVEN! almost heaven! this is me singing...and in heaven.

it might also possibly be me needing to get a life. oh well fuck. that's what tomorrow is for.

it also just occurred to me that maybe a nice hot shower would wake me up. that's right folks! i have not showered yet today! do you honestly think i care? that's right. this is me not caring. if i smelled so wretched i would bathe but i don't. plus the weather has been perfectly fabulous and not humid or hot. and anyway. it's not like i have anyone to impress. well...except maybe myself and i already scared the shit outta myself when i looked in the mirror five hours ago. hence me avoiding mirrors. fuck. i'm an adult. i can do what i want or in this case NOT do what i don't want. don't worry. i promise to bathe before i go to bed. i'm not that pathetic. i mean i'm pretty fucking pathetic but i haven't forgotten about hygiene.

Ejected

i did really want to bitch about this earlier and then i got a bad case of the a.d.d.

don't worry it's short.

i was seriously pissed off when they ejected my boyfriend matt holliday out of the game tonight! i was at the bar and when i saw what happened i screamed, DON'T KICK OUT MY BOYFRIEND!

now if that's not a reason to bitch than i don't know what is. dumb umpire. i'll friggin' eject you right out of the stadium! by giving you a good swift kick to the crotch! the JERK. go ahead and ruin one of the only good reasons to watch the cards this season...and p.s. it's NOT albert pujols.

what a bunch of bullshit.

and that's all i have to say about that.

that and matt holliday is fucking HOT.

Closure

ummm...so yeah. that is the question. why does anyone pretend that they need "closure" when what they really need or want is attention? or someone to make them feel justified in their life-changing decisions? or let's just lay the truth out there...to get in your pants one more time? if what anyone really needs or wants is "closure" why don't they just grow a pair, quit beating around the fucking bush, and make the point that they really want to make.

closure? my ass. i'll give you closure. does telling you to fuck off give you enough closure?

okay. so as not to confuse the rest of the world population or the two other people that read my blog, i should premise all of this by saying that i had what i like to call an "emotional" affair with a man - not just once but twice. with the same man. he had a girlfriend. i had a boyfriend. and we carried on inappropriate communications with each other. (hence my love-hate feelings for technology). my point is...i finally cut the whole thing off after my boyfriend discovered our "affair" AND he kicked me out. oh! and this other guy? he still has a girlfriend - the same girlfriend. i'm still single.

his girlfriend (now fiancee) never found out. i guess he was and is much more stealth than i'll ever hope to be. i'm also guessing he's still a dipshit. my point is, is that i cut off ties with this man after my life exploded in my face. i figured enough people had been injured by my transgressions and there was no reason for anyone else to have to also suffer. so i did what was right (for the first time in my life), and called his girlfriend and told her everything. JUST KIDDING! seriously. i'm kidding. not my place. not my business. not my guilt.

anyway. so after choosing to walk away from the whole destructive situation (in an attempt to quit being an asshole like the majority of the world's population), i decided that i can only learn from my past and look forward, which includes shutting that particular door of really bad decisions FOREVER. well several months have now passed since i was told to get the fuck out of my ex's house, (hey. i can't fault a guy for saying the exact same thing i would have...i'm a realist), and when i say several months i mean almost a year.

wouldn't you know that some people's bad habits will always find a way to fruition if given the right amount of attention? yup. now the dumb chap (as in the guy i was having an emotional affair with), wants closure. and my question is, what-ever-the-fuck-for? (i could call the dumb chap an endless abundance of bad words but clearly i didn't think he was that horrible when i was "cheating" on my boyfriend with him so it wouldn't be fair of me to attack him now). but i just want to say, DUDE! haven't you learned your lesson? (clearly NOT because his sins have never been discovered by his significant other). he doesn't want closure. the idiot. he wants to know he isn't settling. well. that's not on me. i can't give him the words of reassurance he's looking for. i can't look back and feel good about what transpired because it inevitably led to me hurting a person that i loved very deeply. i can't change what has happened. and i certainly can't give the jackass the closure he has convinced himself he needs.

by the way, what closure? we were NEVER IN A RELATIONSHIP! get on with your life. i've had to move on with my own life and while it has been a very tough pill to swallow at times...that's just all there is to it.

hindsight IS always 20/20 but there's no reason to look back when there is SO much more to look forward to. i believe if an individual has lived their life in such a manner, then there is no reason to live your life in the "what if's" and "only if's" because every day is a new day to say, this is the first day of the rest of my life.

so i say, what the fuck are you going to do about it?

09 September 2010

The Demise of Myself

it's been a minute since i've had the opportunity to sit down and write something thoughtful to bitch about. not that there have not been plenty of incidents that have sparked a fury in me that would result in a rant that would leave even the most creative and crass of sailors blushing at sea. because while i am here just to bitch i'm also trying to tone it down a notch. yeahfuckingright. who am i kidding?

i do believe that my attempt at ceasing excessive drinking, smoking, and anything else bad for me has made me quite the raving lunatic. WITHDRAWLS! and i'm not even kidding. even my ex-boyfriend who completely despises most of my bad habits, (particularly those which involve inhaling), has decided that me going cold turkey is likely to lead to the downfall of the human race...or at least those who stand in my way, piss me off, unconsciously irritate me, and try my patience to no end. i am not a patient person and as much as i've tried to be...patience is not in me, (much like dipolomacy is not in me). yes. i do realize patience is a virtue. but who the hell said i was virtuous anyway? also, i'm convinced my lack of patience is just one more justifiable reason for not having kids.

my point is...i am convinced that no one could possibly have more contempt for my nicotine fixes than my ex. but recently he was so completely mortified by the effects of the nicotine withdrawls and my bad behavior as a result of it that HE even made an attempt to persuade me to "just go smoke." (also, i had not consumed alcohol in a day and a half...which amounts to an increased risk of me going postal and many people dying). i told him if i could just get a beer or two in me that i'd be fine. i calmed down after my first pint and he thanked a higher power that he does not believe in. and then he also bought me a pack of cigarettes later. see. someone does love me. and they love me better when i'm not pissed off because i haven't had a drink or a smoke in a day and a half. it's called an addiction for a reason!

so i fully understand and realize that drinking and smoking (and loving men), have very negative side effects. but i'm training for a half marathon. yes...while drinking and smoking...although, i do refrain from actively participating in such debaucherous activities while i'm actually running. in the meantime, if i get home from a ten mile run and want to swallow a six-pack of beer, eat a pizza and fire a cancer stick up, well...then i will and i will NOT apologize for it.

p.s. if every other human being wants to brag about being fit and in shape and blahblahblah (tell someone who fucking cares), and admonish me for my bad habits, go right ahead because i'm pretty sure when i was out running on the trail this evening in the rain (with my two running partners), that all the other "rock star" runners and athletes who are overly critical of my self-indulgences were no where to be seen. so i'll keep on running and smoking and drinking and i'll kick your ass while doing so!

oh and one more thing...i'm an a-fucking-dult and i don't need a lecture about my bad habits...i do what i want. the half marathon is in less than a month and i'm so far from being scared that it's almost frightening that i'm not more so. mostly because i know that the day in which i regret having not had more self-restraint in life is inevitable. although, i'm not one to really regret anything. hey. if i'm happy in the moment (and drinking and smoking are conducive to my happiness), well...you can bet the people around me are happy too because this much i know is true - me going through withdrawls makes for a very ugly situation. and i secretly find delight in tormenting others. so let me just express once again (although, i do not profess to be that special or powerful), that if i'm happy, those who must put up with me are very likely to be happy too.