Throw A Girl A Bone!

since my ex and i parted ways almost a year and a half ago, i've often thought about the baby girl i left behind. and, when i say "baby girl" i mean dazy - my ex-miniature dachshund. well truthfully, she was never really mine in the first place, and quite frankly, after my ex and i first started dating i had visions of tossing her in a garbage bag with a cinder block, driving over the missouri river bridge, and hurling that bitch in.

however, while dazy is undoubtedly an alpha female, she still nevertheless, FINALLY grew out of her puppy stage which i now understand to be the primary reason for her being such a fucking little twat. moreover, we had a "come to jesus" meeting about there only being ONE bitch allowed in the house, and i was most confident that it was ME and not some dog the size of a football that i wanted to, at one point, kick across the yard like i were aiming for a field goal.

after our tumultuous beginning, dazy and i became quite the pair, and i coddled her to no end. even when my ex wanted to kick her across the room like a football, (and she undoubtedly deserved it), i would intervene. she was my baby - my baby girl. and i miss my baby girl.

there was a time when i would go visit dazy, and i'd walk in the door and in my very "baby momma" voice would ask, "where's momma's baby?", and she'd come catapulting out of her bed to jump on me. this was often followed by lots of cuddling and me asking her "did you miss your momma?", while she responded by crying like a little baby. oh my dazy! i never thought i'd love you so much. so much in fact, that i replaced her existence in my life with a stuffed animal replica of her (minus the white paw and patch on her chest, and of course, all the other responsibilities of actually owning a real dog).

recently, it seems i am forbidden to have visitations with dazy, and subsequently, my overwhelming feelings of love and loss for dazy has made me contemplate adopting another mini weiner! but why in the fuck do the cost so much gotdamn money? it seriously pisses me right the fuck off. miniature dachshunds (of the smooth-haired, red-colored variety), range in price from almost three-hundred dollars to six-hundred dollars. is there really that big of a demand for them?! naturally, it doesn't take long most breeders to determine which pups of the litter will be the cutest and consequently, those puppies go the fastest and for the most money.

yes. i have considered adopting a dog from the humane society, and even various shelters throughout the mid-missouri region. apparently, mini dachshunds are a rarity among these rescue facilities. yes. i have considered another breed but i want a dazy baby junior. so i'm saying, THROW A GIRL A BONE! how in the hell and why the fuck do these little monsters cost so much? am i that naive when it comes to dog breeding? i don't know.

what i do know is that it has crossed my mind several times to go dognap dazy. howevere, since i'm already on my ex's shit list, and it'd take him about five whole seconds to figure out where she was, in addition, to not caring to suffer the penalties of such a crime, i will continue to fill the "dazy" void in my life with my little stuffed animal dachshund. oh and p.s. i call her baby too, and was very upset when my "man of the moment" carelessly tossed her on the floor because she was "in the way."