"say what you want to say. say what you need to say..." ~ john mayer

i've been told i should write a blog. this is me writing a blog - mostly about nothing. well...at least nothing that's mind-blowing or life-changing. furthermore, there are no rules and no limitations to this blog. lawd only knows i've never been a rule follower! i suppose in some ways that this is my opportunity to just say what it is i want and need to say, and for those of you who know me best...i'm probably not going to apologize for it.

if you've ever just wanted to unload, vent, bitch, moan and whine about life and how much it sucks kaka, and not care to be judged while just putting your feelings out there...here's your chance. or perhaps you want to tell everyone what blows your hair back and what a great day it is to be alive...bring it on! (i haven't always been a pessimist)! wink-wink. nudge-nudge. so read on my fellow bloggers!

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18 February 2011

The Simple Things

i feel like a child on christmas eve that is fighting sleep in eager anticipation of what the morning holds. but damn! my eyes have yet to begin to droop, and i'm neither a child nor am i eagerly awaiting anything that morning will bring all too soon. insomnia sucks my ballsack. i know the minute i finally reach my deep sleep mode that my alarm clock will be going off and i'll be hating life. kinda like this morning when my alarm went off at 10:00 and the only thing i could decipher in my hangover haze was that my hair hurt. well that and getting old sucks because i just can't bounce back like i did when i was in my twenties. motherfucker.

i wish life were as simple as when i was a child. mostly because i hate the responsibilities of being an adult (as you all know), and i especially despise the MAJOR responsibilities, for example, having to work and pay my bills. being an adult hasn't cracked up to be what i anticipated. reality has sunk in...it sinks in a little further every day (good thing since i'm 32)! my life is not what i ever thought it'd be at this age, and i have no one to blame but myself. which sucks because i'd love to come up with some stellar excuse for being a capital "L" fucking loser. not that i really think i'm a loser...i'm just about five hundred thousand miles short of my goal(s).

AND apparently, i'm not the only one who can't sleep. my "man of the moment" just called me up and asked me if i was pregos. WTF. yeah. was he not there last night as i was binge drinking vodka and then falling all over myself? yeah. i'm pregnant. and i was really hoping for an alcohol syndrome baby. UMMM...DUH! (he informed me the thought has been weighing on his mind for the last couple of nights). MAYBE he's really trying to tell me that i'm getting fat except that i'm not! i mean for fuck sake! i just fit into my "goal" jeans two weeks ago. if, being pregnant makes you less chubby, then maybe i am pregos. EXCEPT THAT I'M NOT! and IF, being pregnant makes you have vodka and beer cravings, then maybe i'm pregos or MAYBE i'm a lush. the reality of the matter is - is that I'M NOT PREGNANT.

and p.s. what a horrible thing to put on a person. that's like wishing a person who so does NOT want to be pregnant, pregnant! and then bam! that one small curse by some random person, inevitably leads to the "NOT WANT TO BE PREGNANT" person pushing a watermelon out of their vaj nine months later.

and another thing, you have to have SEX to get pregnant. DUH. and no, i'm not proclaiming that i'm a virgin, i'm just saying that babies don't happen without penis in vagina. sex education 101. you learned it here folks!

ahhh...remember when life were as simple as being a kid? and not about hoping that you're NOT going to give birth to one? when the opposite sex didn't matter? and the only thought that entered your mind was that boys were fucking dumb? and you didn't become involved in asinine drunk fights with your significant other because you were eight, and you weren't a wino yet, and you didn't give a shit about having a significant other? REMEMBER WHEN?

i find it strangely hilarious that "the man" was so concerned that i was pregnant that he rang me at 2:30 in the morning. but last night when i was passed out on his bathroom floor because of all the vodka i consumed, he was sleeping soundly until i finally peeled myself off the floor at 5:00 in the morning.

yeah. this is me longing for the simple things in life.
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